The disconnection between mind and body is something I can trace into a pattern. It was when I realised that the pattern couldn't be sustained any longer that I knew something was awfully wrong. To feel empty, is not uncommon. To feel like one is drowning, is familiar. But to feel like even something as altering as Death cannot save oneself is horrendous. Fearing everything, fearing life and fearing death along with everything in between is draining. The disconnection between body and mind starts to get weaker and weaker and despite you trying to grip firmer and harder to the things you call normality, there's no way out. A kaleidoscope describes it well. Everything changes, and sometimes the bits of light breaking off of things make a pleasant pattern. Sometimes they spiral cruelly and close the gaps too fast. So that there is no way of getting out. Or In.
Relaxation is a huge part of my life now. You hear people say they want to spend a few extra hours in bed at the weekend, or chill